


I'm a natural blue - violentine

by orphan_account



Category: The Walking Dead (Telltale Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Borderline Personality Disorder, Depression, F/F, Fucked Up, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Lesbian Character, Lesbian Violet (Walking Dead: Done Running), Mental Health Issues, Older Clementine (Walking Dead), idk still figuring it out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-14
Updated: 2020-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:00:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23148163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Violet's entire life had been a struggle with keeping relationships, healthy and stable. So, five years after the only good one she ever had ended - she's on a search to find out why. Why did it end? Was it my fault? Was I right to end it? Do I get to say my piece? Or was this a big fucking mistake?
Relationships: Clementine/Violet (Walking Dead: Done Running)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 26





	1. Chapter 1

As I walk down this dirt path, everything hits my mind again. Like somewhere along the road, I hit this trigger and I remembered everything that had happened.

I remember where I went wrong, where you went wrong, where we both did. And I think it all started when you called me "special" and promised I was "important to you."

I know I'm walking to your house now and I know that's my own mistake, another one to add to this long list, but I guess the one thing I'm trying to tell you today is how I feel.

I wish you hadn't told me I was special cause now, well, it's just far too hard to see through. I felt like for a while, the night faded away and you shine brighter than the morning to me.

I guess, well, I mean, at least I thought you did.

I think about the things that make me lucky and I find I can count them on one hand.  
My home, my car, you. You still make me lucky, just not as lucky as I used to feel.

For a while I just really though you were my horse shoe, my lottery ticket, my four leaf clover - I really thought that I was lucky. Seriously.

Your house is like foreign land to me now. I don't see it the way I used to, I don't know you the way I used to. It's different. I remember it but I don't want to but I do and it makes sense and it's comforting but so scary at the same time. Like my stuffed animal from my childhood - he's comforting because of the memories but also haunting because of the memories. Doesn't add up but that's how it is.

I don't know if this will work again, I hope so. It'd be nice. Yeah, we're not seventeen anymore, but you're still my teenage dream, I guess. Still who I picture myself with, still who I'm building around. Still my life.

I remember when you left, every night I'd just think, well, I hope it's nicer where you are, cause I only wanna lift you up! But the older I got and further apart we grew the more I realized I was just one step closer to treating walking the plank like I'm jumping off a diving board.

I don't really wanna die yet. Not today at least.

So I walk up the steps and I feel heavy as I lift my fist to knock at the door. I knock.

I'm not scared of anything.

Except this.

Except seeing your face and all the memories that come with it.

And I hear your footsteps walking towards the door. So weird now that we're strangers, nothing like ever before. 

And you open the door, I'm nervous and I don't smile when I see your face because I have to take it in.

The way you kissed me like nobody would when I was sixteen.

The way you made me become what I hated because you were talking so inviting.

The way your dumb, drunk friends didn't care for me, like I always told you so.

The way you told me, lied to me, saying "You know, I'll ways be around."

Really? Cause it's been five years and you gasp when you see me despite the fact you invited me over and you speak.

"Vi?" You cover you mouth.

Shakily, I take a deep breath and utter.

"I think we need to talk."


	2. High definition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Tell me about her?"

"There was a girl." I say, shifting to sit slouched over, rubbing my hands together anxiously as she stares at me and waits for me to say more. "What? What more is there to say?" I question somewhat angrily.

She softens but she's still professional as she keeps her expression the same as she speaks to me again. "What happened to her?"

I swallow, looking at her. "What happened? Well, what happens with all the good people. She left, didn't she? She walked away, not even out of town, to a whole other country. I never saw her again, that was years ago..." I rub my hands together. "And now, now she's back. But she's happy. She's got a life, she's engaged, I'm chained to this... this idea, this world I lived in years ago, thinking it's still the same one now but it's not. She's moved on. But I feel like every morning I wake up and I expect her to still be there."

"What was your relationship like with this girl?"

"Happy." I reply without hesitation. "It was everything a relationship should be. We were happy. So happy. Things were so good. I was good. It felt... it felt nice."

"...and?"

"She, um," I swallow dryly, it's as if I'm ashamed by replying with the truth. I want to lie. "I ruined it and she found somebody else and moved away."

"I'm sorry."

"Why? She's not. I'm not... Cause she's happy. I hope. I guess. I just hope she's happier wherever she is, feel like I never really said enough to lift her up. I was just so stuck in my mind."

"Tell me about her." My therapist shifts her leg over her other one, looking at me like as if she's actually interested in me and not being paid to be.

"Her mom used to like me, and that was great because her mom, well, she didn't like anyone. Her friends, they were almost always drunk, they didn't care for me much. But I didn't care. I really... I really thought that I was lucky." I feel tears enter my eyes and she goes to reach for the tissues on the table, but I stop her with my hand and wipe them with my sleeves instead. "I used to carry her down the stairs everyday. She had this nose twitch she didn't like, she was self conscious about a lot but I loved her. I love her. Not the same way I did. I think. I don't know anymore."

She nods and silence fills the room for the first time in this session, the only sound I hear is her shifting the pages on the clipboard and the clock ticking.

The clock ticking like it's done for years now.

Years alone.

"How much sleep do you get, Violet?"

"Eight, seven hours." Liar. You wake up at four. You go to sleep at twelve. You haven't slept that long in years. Liar.

Liar.

Liar.

She cuts me off. "We don't talk about you enough, Violet, can you describe your feelings for me?" 

Oh well, I guess the sessions over.

I clear my throat, sit back. I'm paying for this - shouldn't I be honest? Shouldn't I not lie? What if I'm hospitalized? Can they do that if I'm an adult?

"I'm lonely." I tell her. "And it make sense, it does. I'm not complaining. I don't like being lonely but I don't like not being alone. They're different feelings. I guess."

She nods, taking that down on her paper and I feel anxious when she looks at me with a smile. 

"Why does it make sense?"

Well - 

"I know I'm not around enough to make me worth the wait, like, who wants to be close with someone who always goes away?" She writes it down, " And even when I'm here it's like, where's my fuckin' head at? Why's it take me so long to text back? I feel like I'm... I'm bad at loving people back. Like I should be in the hall of fame of fucking off when things get weird. I just can't handle that shit."

I wrestle with me sleeve anxiously as she jots it all down on her notepad, flipping the page I see her focusing hard on everything before she drops the pen and looks at me with a sad looking grin. Empathetic? I don't know. 

"Your pharmacist says you haven't collected your meds for this month, Violet. Have you just not had time to get down to them? We could get it delivered to you of that's needed."

I shake my head. "I'll get them today, just been busy."

"Work."

"Yeah."

She nods and looks at her pages again before meeting my eyes once more. 

"Are you ready to finish up for today's session?"

I swallow. 

No, I'm not.

And nod with a smile.

"Sure!"

And before I know it I'm walking home without my meds, knowingly, and I'm alone again. 

Sometimes I just feel like I need to feel needed and I need it more than I let on.


	3. Miss unfaithful hit the back board breaking bedsprings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You made me believe you loved me, and this whole time-"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone.
> 
> I want to apologise, I've been somewhat absent. A friend of mine passed away on Friday and I'm still pacing myself. I'm okay, truthfully, still just in shock, I'm a bit up and down and trying to process things so I've been finding it quite hard to write at the moment. I'm going to give myself another day or two before I try to write again, so that means I most likely won't update for another week or so, I hope that's okay.
> 
> *THIS IS A FLASHBACK CHAPTER*
> 
> Thanks for reading, pls be nice

Violet stood with wide eyes staring at the sight before her, almost as if it was, you know, not something she'd ever expected to see. Her heart ached and she felt like she was going to throw up but at the end of the day, who was she? What right did she have to be angry about this whole situation? She swallowed.

"You can't," The brunette began, jogging towards her slightly, "You can't be angry, Vi, it's just... it's just how things are..." She said as she twisted the newly polished engagement ring on her finger. "Be happy for me instead?"

Violet swallowed with glazed eyes and took a weary step back in shock, practically falling into the chair she now sat in as Clementine sat in the one across from her.  
"Were," She swallowed, "were you using me?"

"I wasn't using you I-"

"You can't come over here with a ring on your finger and tell me you weren't using me." Violet said with bitterness in her throat. "You're leaving me just when I thought you were mine."

"I'm not leaving, I'm just... I'm..."

"Clementine, you're engaged!" Violet said harshly as tears rolled off of her cheeks, "You're engaged and all this time I've been under the impression that you loved me, that you wanted to be with me and you've been with someone else the whole time! You've been... you've been in a long term relationship..." Violet swallowed her words in the hopes of letting them sink in as Clementine nervously stood before her, twisting the ring still.

"I love you, Vi-"

"Can you please not say that? I don't want you to say that anymore. I don't like it when you lie to me. It makes me feel... insignificant and uncomfortable and just, please... don't say it anymore."

"It's not a lie, I know it looks bad... but I really do love you and you've made me so happy and I can't tell you right now-"

"Oh my god," Violet stated roughly as she stood up from the chair and walked towards the window, rubbing her eyes. She stood there a minute and tried her best to prevent herself from crying before the tears started to fall and there wasn't anything she could do about it. 

Clementine stood up and ran towards her, wrapping her arms around her chest from the back and pulling her in for a hug. She held the blonde's body to her own chest as she started to cry too.

"Get off of me!" Violet begged her, "I don't want to be around you, I don't want this, you hurt me, so, so bad, I,"

"Please, please hear me when I say I love you, please Vi, please don't think I'm evil or that I planned this out just to hurt you, you... you were just a girl I happened to fall in love with and I still love you so, so much,"

Violet shook her head, "Just let me go, I need to think,"

"Vi, please," She whispered, "I have to talk to you now, it has to be now,"

"Why?" Violet asked in a broken voice, "tell me why. I want you to say it."

She bit her lip. "I'm moving away."

"There. There it is."

"Violet-" the blonde broke out of her grasp and stumbled forward, turning to look at the brunette. Violet stared at her for a few moments before she spoke.

"I moved here for you so we could be closer together, I got a job, a good one, so that we could have good money. We live together, Clem. We live in the same home. And you still managed to two time me. You didn't just cheat, you were living a double fucking life while I sat here every night thinking you were on work trips you were with someone else!"

"I, I know, I'm... I'm sorry..."

"Do you think saying sorry is just gonna magically make it all better?!" Violet roared, "Maybe if you cheated but you didn't cheat, did you? You didn't have a one night stand or kiss someone else or sleep with someone, no, you had a life with someone. And that's so much worse. You had another life with someone when here I was, ready to give up my life for you. I don't think you understand how much that hurts."

The brunette nodded with eyes teary, she looked at the blonde. Violet studied her face for a moment before silently making her decision. 

"Does he make you happy?"

"No," She said trying to catch her breath, "Nowhere near as happy as you make me."

"You're lying to me."

"I'm not. I don't love him, I don't want him, I want you."

"Then why?" Violet asked in a hoarse voice. "If you don't want him, why did you say yes when he proposed?"

"I just," She fumbled, "I just wasn't thinking straight,"

"Were you thinking straight when you slept with him every night I stayed here worrying about you? I would mark the calendar and count down the days until you come home. Meanwhile... You know what? Just go," Violet said then, "Go on."

"Vi, please,"

"Go." She repeated as she felt herself becoming weaker. "And don't you dare ever come back."


End file.
